


Heartless

by the_dread_e



Category: Pacific Rim (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hearts, I have no idea how to tag stuff, Light Fantasy, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-26
Updated: 2019-02-26
Packaged: 2019-11-05 20:29:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17925818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_dread_e/pseuds/the_dread_e
Summary: Confronted with a choice, Newton gives up something precious for the chance to be with Hermann.





	Heartless

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written fan fiction since I was a teenager, but let's go head back to hell together, huh?
> 
> Inspired by this series of tweets by @precursed_sleep https://twitter.com/precursed_sleep/status/1097557474918481921
> 
> Read through by Poemsingreenink, who is lovely and writes Magnificent Seven stories. GO READ HER STUFF.

Something was off, and it wasn’t off in the way that the lab often was after one of their more pointed fights. Hermann entered as he did every morning, bracing for the obnoxious music he’d come to expect the morning after. The lab was silent, save for the quiet clack of fingers moving slowly over a computer key board. Too slowly. Worryingly slow. Slow in the most non-Newton way possible. 

Hermann moved into the space, clearing his throat as he did. On a normal day, there’d be some reaction. If it wasn’t music, it would be the squelch of Kaiju viscera ‘accidently’ finding its way to his side of the lab. He noted that Newton hadn’t bothered with setting up the dissection table that morning. The samples remained shut away in cold storage. The scalpels were still sterile. 

And there was Newton. He sat with a slight hunch to his shoulders at his desk, working in what appeared to be a word processing program. His clothes were rumpled and familiar. He hadn’t changed from the day before, but his sleeves were pulled down to his wrists. He appeared so engrossed in the program that he hadn’t even registered Hermann’s presence. 

Concern spiked through the anger that Hermann had been holding on to. Had something happened? He wasn’t so sure about that. Newton didn’t hide his feelings very well. If something bad transpired, an unexpected death or sickness in the family, Hermann would have found his lab partner huddled on the couch in the corner or tucked away in his room. 

Hermann hated these moments. He was wasting precious work time worrying over the most infuriating man in the known universe. He couldn’t help it, of course. Even with the hurtful truths they hurled at each other yesterday, Hermann could still admit that he cared for Newton. He’d never admit that to anyone else, least of all the man himself. He kept that particular card very close to his well-worn sweater vest. 

That care made him cross the dividing line, into the realm of Geiszler that he so often forced himself to avoid. Hermann reached out a hand to place on Newton’s shoulder, but he retracted it as his lab partner stopped working. Newton turned in the chair and regarded Hermann with an expression that read like disaffected boredom. 

‘Oh,’ Newt said in a subdued voice. Only his mouth seemed to move. The usual animation in his face was missing. ‘Good morning, Dr. Gotlieb.’ 

‘Y-Yes. Good morning, Dr. G--’ Hermann choked on Newton’s last name when he realized his had been used. He stared down at his lab partner. Newton’s hands were folded in his lap, no trace of the usual fidgeting that the man vibrated with even on his most subdued days. His leg didn’t bounce in anticipation of Hermann’s next words. Even the typically vibrant green of his eyes seemed dull. 

‘Newton...’ Hermann eased himself down to kneel before his colleague, leaning heavily on his cane. ‘Is everything alright?’ 

‘Yep,’ Newton said, following Hermann’s movement with his eyes. ‘Everything’s fine.’ 

‘You...you do not seem like yourself,’ Hermann forced himself to continue. ‘I cannot remember a time in our entire history where you referred to me as Dr. Gottlieb unless ordered to do so. Repeatedly.’ 

Except for their letters, Hermann reminded himself. He’d started as Dr. Gottlieb in their correspondence. But they didn’t talk about that anymore. 

Newton held Hermann’s gaze for a moment before looking down at his still hands. Hermann found it to be a quiet relief. Newton’s eyes were vivid and alive on a typical day. They’d mimic the wide gestures of his hands as he explained his latest theory on the Kaiju to Hermann. The eyes met his now seemed disinterested. 

They sat in silence for a moment before panic bloomed in Hermann’s chest. 

‘Newton?’ 

The other man met Hermann’s gaze again. The lack of expression in his eyes hadn’t changed. ‘I’m fine, Dr. Gottlieb. Maybe a bit tired. I think I’ll go get some coffee.’ 

Newton rolled back in his chair before standing up. He didn’t extend a hand to help Hermann from his uncomfortable position on the floor. He just walked to the kitchenette and out of sight. 

Hermann hefted himself back to his feet, staring the entire time at the empty chair in front of him. Even at their most furious, Newton still took care with Hermann’s leg. Even when Hermann insisted he was fine, Newton always offered an arm for support. 

As he limped back to his side of the lab, Hermann tried to talk himself down. He knew better than to jump to conclusions without all the data at his disposal. It was possible that Newton was still furious with him, and his demeanor was a reflection of that. It was so outside the norm, that Hermann almost dismissed that as a possibility. That was the thing about Newton, though. Just when Hermann thought he had him figured out, the ridiculous man would surprise him again. For better or worse. 

Hermann spent the day focused on his chalk boards and his equations. He would spare moments to glance back at his lab partner’s side of the room. Newton had remained in front of his computer, picking at the keyboard. The last time he looked was to ask if Newton wanted to accompany him to the mess for dinner, but Newton was gone. 

_______________________________________________________________ 

 

The week stretched on, and Hermann found himself indulging in ever more crazy theories. The wild brainstorming helped for a moment, until he realized that Newton would find his thoughts hilarious. Robot doppelgangers? Alien implants? Some Kaiju adjacent contaminant? Newton would love that. 

Not that Hermann would have shared the thoughts with Newton. They didn’t do that anymore. 

Little things began to add up. When Newton bothered to get up from the computer, he went about his dissections in silence. Not once had he used his hand-held recorder. There was no music played at any level, and Hermann never thought he’d miss the bizarre mix of pop music and death metal that normally blasted in the lab. At first, he thought Newton had put on headphones. Closer inspection revealed that wasn’t the case. 

More so, it was the interactions that Hermann found himself aching for. He did a fair amount of lying to himself about how he regarded Newton. He found it easier than facing their reality. At least, he used to. Before their fight, Newton had always found little ways to touch Hermann. A hand on his shoulder, a poke in the arm, or a poke to his good leg with the toe of his boots...Hermann had barely noticed the interactions until they stopped cold. Newton’s silence dominated the lab space. His voice was hardly melodious, but Hermann wanted to hear him say anything. 

No, the last week had just been Newton sitting at his desk, clacking away at a tedious pace. He’d stop to get coffee or look over his samples. He barely acknowledged Hermann’s presence. There might be a slight wave or nod in greeting, but that was it. Hermann couldn’t take it for much longer. The break from their normal interaction was hard enough, but it was dredging up all sorts of feelings that Hermann wasn’t ready to deal with. 

The sheer wrongness of the last week coalesced for Hermann when the Kaiju alert went off. There’s movement in the breach, and the entire Shatterdome snapped to attention. 

Newton being the exception. 

Hermann limped into LOCCENT, and he felt the stares at his vacant side. Newton would always accompany him up to watch the battles between the giant robots and monsters. With Hermann’s predictive model almost spot on, the xenobiologist was able to get his station set up for any Kaiju bits that got sent their way. 

Tendo spared a glance from the console to note Newton’s absence before turning back to the matter at hand. Even Marshall Pentecost seemed puzzled for a millisecond. Hermann decided if anyone asked, he’d say that Newton was in the lab prepping for any samples that they may receive. The giant beast from the ocean precluded most questions. 

In truth, Hermann hadn’t seen his lab partner since the previous night. As he’d done the entire week, Newton had left for dinner without a word. Hermann assumed he went back to his quarters after, but in his effort to give the man space, Hermann hadn’t checked. 

This wasn’t anger. Newton had been angry after arguments before. They would go weeks without talking after a blow up, but Newton would poke at Hermann in his endearingly annoying way until the tension would melt. They would never apologize, but things would go back to normal. 

If Hermann didn’t know any better, he’d say this was complete apathy on Newton’s part. Dr. Geiszler was many things. Apathetic was not one of them. 

To hell with it, Hermann thought. Once the Kaiju had been dispatched, he ducked away as fast as he could. He was getting to the bottom of this, fight or no. 

_____________________________________________________________ 

Hermann came to Newt’s quarters and found the door barely ajar. 

‘Dr. Geiszler?’ He called into the space after knocking on the door. ‘Newton? I’m coming in.’ 

Hermann shouldered the door open further. The room was just as messy as Newton kept his side of the lab. Hermann regarded the mess only for a moment before he started. He’d never been in Newton’s room before. Not for lack of trying, on Newton’s part. 

Something ugly twisted in Hermann’s stomach. It was becoming starkly evident that his feelings for his lab partner ran deeper than he had previously been willing to admit to himself. Not only that, but he may have destroyed any chance that he had to cultivate those feelings with Newton. All over a stupid fight. 

Hermann steeled himself as he entered the room. His eyes surveyed the space, finally landing on the bed. Newton slept over the covers, clad only in boxers. For a moment, Hermann was drawn closer. He’d seen Newton’s tattoos before, usually as the man pulled off his clothes while racing to the decontamination shower in the lab. He never had the opportunity to take them all in. His eyes traced the intricate line work and color, until he landed on an ugly bruise on Newton’s chest. 

It was then that the realization that he’d been ogling his prone lab partner slammed into Hermann like a Mack truck. His blushed a furious purple from his neck to his ears as he spun away. Of course, because the universe for some unknown reason truly hated Hermann Gottlieb, Newton stirred behind him. 

‘Dr. Gottlieb?’ Newton called, his voice heavy with sleep. ‘What are you doing in here?’ 

Hermann flinched when Newton used his last name. Damn feelings...but that wasn’t why he was there. He was going to get to the bottom of this. 

Planting his cane and pivoting back around, Hermann kept his eyes above Newton’s clavicle. Tried. Tried to keep them there. He drew in a deep, bracing breath before talking. 

‘I want to know what’s wrong with you.’ He wanted to be as direct as possible. No chance for Newton to avoid the question. 

‘In general?’ Newton asked as he sat up and rubbed his eyes. 

Hermann huffed. ‘I think you know what I mean. You have been a completely different person since...this week.’ 

‘Oh, you think this is about our fight?’ Newton’s tone had no anger to it. There was no twinge of teasing the way he’d normally speak with Hermann. ‘No. Well, I suppose it’s kinda related.’ 

Losing the fight against his temper, Hermann took two strides towards Newton. He stood over the shorter man and fixed him with his fiercest glare. It was code. Part of the dance. Hermann would level that look at Newton, and they’d be off to the races. It didn’t even register on Newton’s face. 

‘Kind of related?’ Hermann repeated back. 

Newton raised his eyes to meet Hermann’s. ‘Sure.’ His tone was flat when he spoke. ‘You know that I was in love with you?’ 

Hermann’s legs turned to jelly. He barely caught himself before his brain refocused from the short circuit. ‘Wh...what did you just say?’ 

Newton pushed off the bed and touched the bruise on his chest. ‘I guess it wasn’t as obvious as it seems like it should have been. But yeah. I was in love with you.’ 

Hermann tried to ignore the past tense in Newton’s syntax. He was waiting for the flash of anger to light up Newton’s face, but nothing ignited. His eyes remained dull. 

‘After we fought, I had to get some air. I went for a walk and ended up on the beach,’ Newton continued matter-of-factly. ‘I thought it was all a dream, but when I woke up here after, I realized it wasn’t. I met a woman on the beach. She talked with me for a bit before she offered to help. So, I traded my heart so that you would love me too.’ 

As he listened, Hermann wondered if he hadn’t had a stroke when he first walked into the room. That seemed like a more plausible explanation than what Newton provided. 

‘P-pardon,’ Hermann finally managed to say. ‘Can you repeat that?’ 

‘I wanted you to love me, so I traded my greatest weakness so you would.’ The corners of Newton’s mouth seemed like they wanted to curl up sadly, but his expression didn’t change. He stared just passed Hermann, not quite meeting his eyes. ‘But then you came into the lab. You knelt in front of me. Looked at me...and I didn’t feel anything.’ 

Something hitched in Hermann’s throat as the ugly thing twisted again in his stomach. 

Newt dragged his gaze to meet Hermann’s. ‘I never wanted you to leave me, but now...now I don’t care if you stay or go.’ 

They stood in silence. Newton watched with disinterest as Hermann tried to maintain his composure. His shoulders quaked and his eyes burned before he managed to tighten himself up. He squared his shoulders and looked anywhere but Newton’s dull eyes. 

‘Will you come with me down to medical?’ Hermann asked. ‘Clearly, you have suffered some kind of head injury. This...this is insane.’ 

Newton nodded after a moment. ‘I’ll go, but it’s all the truth. Is that hard for you to hear?’ 

There’s no malice when Newton asked the question, but he may as well have stabbed Hermann in the chest. 

‘I will not discuss this with you when you are not in your right mind,’ Hermann said. ‘Get dressed, and we will have you tested.’ 

As Newton gathered some clothing from the floor, Hermann turned to wait in the hallway. It was quiet, and Hermann welcomed the silence. He allowed himself twenty seconds to press the heels of his hands into his eyes and let a few tears fall. 

_______________________________________________________________ 

Newt exploded out of the lab, pulling his jacket on and trying to discretely wipe away the moisture gathering at the corners of his eyes. 

It had seemed like a typical fight. The worst ones always did, but then they built on themselves until Newt was shouting about how Hermann was an ill-advised decision away from becoming his father. It was a button he knew better than to press, and as he stormed down the hallway towards the nearest exit to anywhere but here, Newt was having a hard time remembering why he went there. Hermann had fired back with stinging barbs about how Newt was the primary reason for the severely decreased funding their division received the last few quarters. 

Because Newt was obnoxious. He was rough around the edges. People generally found him insufferable. And the tattoos? Let's not even have that discussion again. There were people he’d told several thousand times about his ink, but they still stared at him as if he were insane. It was easier to believe that he loved them. So let those assholes think that. 

And to be fair, sure. Maybe he was a little crazy. How could you not be? There was a portal in the ocean that opened up at precise intervals to spit giant monsters into the world. This was sane place? 

He was getting off track. Newt tended to do that. Especially when it came to Gottlieb, Hermann; feelings regarding. 

It didn’t make sense to dwell, but it was hard on days like today. He had it marked in his mental calendar, when everything else just fell off because it wasn’t as important. He tried to align himself for the day because he knew it would be a hard one. 

Why? Hermann didn’t seem to remember what the day was, but then, even if he did, it wasn’t a day he could mention remembering. It was six years ago that they had first met in person, and like everything good in his life, Newt had done everything he could to ruin it. 

Newt kept the day each year as a somber anniversary. He would pull out the letters from Hermann and read through them until he couldn’t see through the veil of tears. His chest would ache with that old want. He’d mourn the loss of the best relationship he’d ever had and would fall into a fitful sleep while wondering if it was even possible to get back a fraction of what they once had. 

It was six years, and it still hurt as much as the day after it happened. He was being overly dramatic. He usually was, but he couldn’t help it. Not when it came to the physicist. Hermann just plucked that particular string in his heart. 

Sometimes, when he was going through the well-read stack of correspondence written in Hermann’s perfect script, Newt wondered if Hermann still had his letters. He’d almost asked, once or twice, but the answer had the potential to be devastating. Newt was also one hundred percent certain that if he dared broach the subject of “THE PAST” Hermann would beat him to death with his cane. Well, maybe not to death... 

Newt didn’t ask. He liked to imagine his letters in an old hat box in a closet in Hermann’s quarters. He’d have them neatly stacked by date, newest on the bottom, and a simple ribbon would tie them in place. The knot wouldn’t be too tight because Hermann wouldn’t want to damage the sheets of paper. 

The thought tugged a half smile on Newt’s lips, but he let his mouth fall back into a frown. It’s nice to think about, but there’s no way it's true. He managed to stave off any more tears until he got to the beach. Even when he found a little spot sheltered from the wind, Newt didn’t have many more tears to cry. What was the point? 

Newt drew his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around his knees. He sighed and stared out into the ocean. After fights like tonight, barring some kind of magical interference, the reality where Newton Geiszler and Hermann Gottlieb were together didn’t exist. 

Maybe, once they closed the Breach and ended the war, they’d be able to explore the possibilities of finding that impossible alternate universe where they were. Newt wondered absently if Hermann would be down for that. 

Probably not. 

‘And why would you say that?’ 

Newt jumped at the unfamiliar voice and scrambled back to his feet. He held his hands in front of him in an attempt at a defensive position. 

A woman stood before him. She wore a billowing black top and tight black jeans. A silver streak cut through her dark hair that was tied into a sloppy knot on the top of her head. One hand was resting on her hip, while the other held what looked like a slushee. She sipped it as she regarded him. 

‘Didn’t mean to scare you., She said. Her gaze was penetrating. Newt shrunk back from her as she eyed him. Her eyes lingered on his bare forearms and the colorful kaiju there. ‘But you’re thinking awfully loud out here. Boy troubles?’ 

‘Thinking awfully loud?’ Newt looked over his shoulder and then back at the woman. 

‘Yeah. Hermann? Did I hear that correctly?’ She took a step closer. ‘Sounded like you had a solid pine going there.’ 

Newt’s expression morphed from mildly terrified to cautious curiosity. He wondered if he’d fallen asleep on the beach. He’d had lucid dreams before. This could just be another one. At the very least, it was distracting. 

‘I wasn’t pining.’ 

‘Please.’ The woman gestured with her drink, waving off his weak evasion. ‘I’m not blind.’ 

‘Yeah. Fine, dude,’ Newt said, deciding to go with the flow. He rubbed the back of his neck. ‘I...ah...well it’s a whole thing.’ 

She raised an eyebrow. ‘You seem like the type that gets into a lot of ‘whole things’.’ She plopped down in the sand and patted the space beside her. ‘I didn’t catch your name. I’m Alondorina.’ 

Newt smirked. That was the best his brain could come up with? ‘Newton, but everyone calls me Newt.’ 

She watched as he sat beside her. ‘Not everyone.’ 

Thanks, brain. That didn’t sting at all. 

‘So, what, are you psychic or something?’ Newt asked. He couldn’t remember ever dreaming about a psychic. 

‘No,’ she said after she finished her drink. ‘I’m a witch.’ 

‘Oh, well, of course.’ 

‘You don’t have to believe if you don’t want to, but I am. I was out for a walk, and could feel your vibes. Thought I’d pop over to see if I could help.’ 

Ah. Suddenly it made sense. Here was a completely fabricated construct in his head that Newt could talk to. It wasn’t much different than the roundabout conversations he had with himself late night in his bunk, but the illusion was appreciated. Lucid dreaming, for the win. 

Newt took a deep breath and started to talk. He told her everything. He told her about his correspondence with Hermann and how he started to fall for him then. He told her about their meeting at the conference six years ago, and the fallout from that. She listened to everything thoughtfully, and when Newt’s animated gestures finally settled down, she leaned back and presented her solution. 

‘It’s terrible to be lonely when the object of your affection is sitting so close, huh?’ She said. 

‘I mean, it’s not great,’ Newt answered. 

‘I think I can help you.’ She popped up to her feet and stood in front of Newt. ‘You need to get out of your own way. You can’t help but scream and yell and make the guy crazy because you’re too passionate about everything. So, I can give you what you want. I can give you Hermann.’ 

Newt furrowed his brow. ‘Yeah, I really don’t think you can, dude.’ 

She held up a finger. ‘Yes, I can, but I can’t do it for free. You need to give me something.’ 

Even though it was a dream, Newt couldn’t keep the skepticism from his voice. ‘And what’s that?’ 

‘Your weakness.’ She said as he blinked at her. ‘Your heart.’ 

‘My....heart.’ Newt repeated. 

‘That’s definitely what I said.’ 

‘The very vital organ that I kind of need to live?’ 

‘It’s more of a metaphorical thing.’ 

Newt considered that a moment. ‘Even if it is metaphorical...without my heart, how am I supposed to--’ 

‘Hey, I didn’t say it was an ideal solution.’ Alondorina shrugged. ‘I just think it’s the best one for you. Like I said, you’re way too passionate about things. Off puttingly passionate. You’ve got Kaiju tattooed on your skin.’ She stopped him before he could interrupt with an explanation. ‘And I know why you have them, but that right there just illustrates my point. You mentioned it several times. Sometimes, it's best to just keep your mouth shut.’ 

Newt stared down at his colorful sleeves. Even if this was a dream, how could he give up his heart? 

‘Answer me this, Dr. Geiszler,’ she continued. ‘Are you happy?’ 

Newt curled in on himself. He didn’t answer. 

‘Did your love of the Kaiju get you what you want the most? Do you care for anyone or anything more than being right all the time? Do you need the spotlight and recognition more than you need Hermann?’ 

Hermann...Newt could give up his heart for Hermann. He felt the unwelcome, but familiar sting in the corners of his eyes. ‘No.’ 

‘Wonderful!’ Alondorina clapped her hands and reached down to help Newt to his feet. ‘Now, the process is a bit painful, but you’ll wake up in the place you feel safest, alright? And I’m not going to do anything weird with your heart.’ She snapped her fingers and a well-crafted mahogany box appeared in her hands. ‘I’ll keep it safe in here, but it’s mine as soon as it’s locked up. And I might call on you for a favor, should I need a short, cute xenobiologist for anything.’ 

Newt barely heard anything she said. His hands were clasped over his chest where his heart thundered under his ribs. His pulse was loud in his ears as she handed him the box. She pushed him down to his knees. 

‘Just hold that in your lap.’ She instructed. Her fingers undid the top buttons of his shirt before tracing to his cheeks. ‘Let’s make it official. Do we have an agreement?’ 

Newt chewed on his bottom lip as Alondorina waited for his answer. This was a dream, sure, but the weight of the decision seemed heavy and lasting. Being fascinated by the Kaiju was kind of his thing. Kind of his all-encompassing, capital letters THING. He was passionate. He was obnoxious and loud. Newton Geiszler was a series of exclamation points in all different fonts and sizes. Could he really give that all up? 

For Hermann? 

‘Yeah.’ Newt swallowed hard and looked up at the woman. ‘Yeah, let's do this.’ 

Alondorina’s eyes brightened. ‘Try to relax.’ She unbuttoned his shirt. ‘Like I said, this is going to hurt.’ 

Newt expected the dream to end as soon as her hand plunged into his chest. He choked on a strangled cry as he felt her cool fingers grasp his heart and pull it out. Everything was bloodless, and when Newt felt the spot, there was no injury. His tattoos were undisturbed. She held the organ up and nodded approvingly. 

‘Trust me, dearie. It’ll be worth it,’ she soothed. 

Newt felt the knot that had been in his chest since the fight loosen. For a brief moment, panic surged. He almost reached out to snatch the heart back. His eyes were wide behind his glasses as he watched Alondorina place his heart in the box. Need and want pitched in his stomach, but when the lid closed and the witch locked it, Newt felt nothing. His wide, surprised eyes relaxed to an uncaring gaze. He felt exhaustion creep into his limbs as his eyes fluttered closed. 

Newt woke to the familiar bubbling of his samples in the lab. He lifted himself off the old couch and glanced around the space. Hermann wasn’t there yet. Or maybe he had stepped out? Newt didn’t find it immediately important to dwell on where his lab partner was. In fact, he found himself not really caring. 

Had that all been real? He looked down at his chest and found his shirt open. A deep, purple bruise had appeared over his heart. His tattoos did nothing to conceal it. He touched the spot gingerly and pain bloomed as he pressed down. 

‘Shit,’ Newt whispered to the empty lab. He buttoned up his shirt and smoothed down the front. In his chest pocket, he found a simple business card. Alondorina’s name was on it. There was no phone number or address. It just said, ‘The Beach’. 

______________________________________________________________ 

Newt came back to himself in the hallway. His trip to medical hadn’t revealed anything out of the ordinary, and Hermann was dragging him back to the lab. They noted the large bruise on his chest but nothing else. The physicist had a death grip on Newt’s elbow, holding Newt tight to his side as he leaned heavily on his cane. 

Absently, Newt thought that this proximity was something his old self would have melted into. Irritation fizzled in his chest as he considered the irony of the situation. There wasn’t anything to be done about it now. 

Beside him, Hermann was muttering under his breath. He couldn’t be sure, but Newt figured he was trying to find any other explanation for Newt’s odd behavior. To be fair, the explanation he’d given sounded insane. Newt couldn’t fault Hermann for not believing him. 

This new dynamic was strange. Before, if Newt had come across Hermann theorizing about literally anything, Newt would have jumped in to offer his opinion. Hermann could be contemplating between an orange and a banana, and Newt would have slid across the lab to start an argument about it. He used to live for the glare Hermann fixed him with in his bedroom earlier. 

Hermann shoved Newt ahead of him into the lab before closing the door behind them. Newt stumbled but managed to right himself as Hermann began to pace across the line that divided the lab. He watched for a moment, but then yawned loudly. The noise shook Hermann from his think. He turns and stares at Newton. 

‘Sorry,’ Newt said, though he didn’t feel sorry. He was exhausted. ‘I think I might go crash on the couch for a bit.’ 

Hermann’s face twisted into incredulous anger. ‘Crash?’ His voice was pitched even higher than Newt’s was. 

‘Yeah.’ Newt said, starting towards the couch. ‘Been sleeping a lot lately.’ 

That, at least, made sense to Hermann. He couldn’t believe that Newton had given up his heart—especially not for the reason he’d given—but his Newton would not spend the day sleeping. His Newton abhorred sleep and would only engage in the activity when he was ready to collapse from exhaustion. They both pushed themselves too hard, but it was to be expected in their situation. What with a war on and monster pouring out of the ocean. 

Wait. When did Hermann start thinking of Newton as ‘his’? 

The physicist tried to tamp down his fury at his idiot lab partner and at his own interfering emotions. His anger melted into exasperation as he rubbed a hand over his face. 

‘Dr. Geiszler, if I find out this has all been some elaborate prank...’ 

Newton blinked back the sleep that was threatening to swallow him again as he made himself comfortable on the couch. ‘It’s not. I told you what happened.’ 

Hermann pinched the bridge of his nose and prayed that he would wake up from this taxing dream. 

‘You could probably find the woman out on the beach. I think I left her card on my desk.’ Newton barely managed to get the last sentence out before he sunk into a deep sleep. 

If he hadn’t been watching, Hermann wouldn’t have believed Newton capable of falling asleep so quickly. Was that where he’d been disappearing off to at random times during the previous week? Why he’d been late each morning? Why he left so early? Hermann’s mind whirled as he plotted out a predictive model just as terrifying to him as the one noting when the Kaiju emerged from the Breach. 

Still unconvinced of the lost heart explanation, Hermann allowed himself to entertain the idea for a moment. All enthusiasm had wrung out of Newton. Not only in regards to Hermann, but in everything he seemed to take enjoyment in. The fresh Kaiju samples from the recent attack had remained in cold storage, untouched. The dissection table was still clean. Newton wasn’t Newton. His Newton, as Hermann was apparently referring to him now, had vanished overnight. 

Unwilling to stand around doing nothing, Hermann decided to pursue the only lead that he could. Ignoring the persistent ache in his leg, he moved to Newton’s desk and easily found the card the xenobiologist mentioned. It was simple in design and information. All it said was ‘Alondorina’ and ‘The Beach’. 

Hermann pocketed the card and looked over his shoulder at his sleeping lab partner. He noted the shiver quaking through Newton’s body. Furrowing his brow, he moved to the couch. He watched for a moment before timidly pressing the back of his hand against Newton’s forehead. He snatched it back instantly. Newton’s skin was freezing. 

‘What did you do to yourself?’ Hermann muttered, looking around for a moment for a blanket to lay over the man. Finding none—it was the summer months, after all—he found his beloved parka hanging patiently on its hook. Hermann tucked the coat around Newton, hoping that would warm him up a bit. He stood up again, wanting to brush the hair from Newton’s forehead. It didn’t seem right in the moment. Hermann abstained and left the lab for the warmth of the beach. 

______________________________________________________________ 

There was a time when Hermann enjoyed the beach. He had vague memories as a child of chasing his siblings across the hot sand while his mother reclined beneath an umbrella. That was before his leg decided to betray him. A cane and a beach did not mesh well together. 

Hermann picked his way slowly across the sand while scanning for anything unusual. He had no idea what he was looking for, but he stalked forward with purpose. His mind kept tugging back to Newt’s sleeping form, past tenses, and possessive pronouns. 

Still refusing to believe the insanity that Newton offered up as an explanation, Hermann couldn’t help but dwell on the reason. He didn’t want to. He didn’t want to think about it at all. Newton loved him? Despite everything else, that thought made him light headed. 

Hermann Gottlieb didn’t consider himself a man that was worthy of love. His whole demeanor was constructed to repulse people. A few had managed to penetrate that shell. Once upon a time, when he allowed himself to get caught up in the magic of correspondence with a stranger across the sea, Hermann thought that Newton might be one of the few. Everything that happened after they first met seemed to make that impossible. 

Newton Geiszler, as he so often did, laughed in the face of the impossible. 

Hermann’s chest felt warm, but he forced down his feelings. The ache still throbbed, but he had a mission. Once he’d completed it, they could have a frank discussion about their feelings. 

‘A frank discussion?’ 

Hermann whirled around at the unfamiliar voice in his head. The Shatterdome loomed far down the beach, but no one else had wandered out to stare at the ocean. His heart still beating rapidly in his chest, Hermann turned back and immediately fell backwards. 

A woman had appeared before him. Her arms were crossed over her chest, and she stared down at Hermann with icy eyes. 

‘Frank discussion?’ She repeated. ‘You must be Hermann.’ 

‘How did you--’ 

‘Magic,’ she said. ‘Though I doubt you’ll accept that explanation.’ 

Hermann didn’t hear her at all. ‘What did you do to Newton?’ He demanded. 

‘My name is Alondorina, thanks for asking. Rude.’ She rolled her eyes. ‘And I didn’t do anything to him. I felt that he was hurting, so I offered to help.’ 

Not hearing what the woman was saying, Hermann grabbed for his cane and levered himself back to his feet. He dusted himself off and adjusted his blazer before approaching. 

‘Didn’t do anything to him?’ Hermann shouted. ‘He is a completely different person!’ 

A smile crossed her lips. ‘Ah, so it worked!’ She spread her arms. ‘He traded his heart for you.’ 

Concerns of a previously undetected stroke flitted through Hermann’s mind for the second time today. He stared at the woman with wide, disbelieving eyes. 

‘Don’t you work in abstract math?’ Alondorina said as he gaped at her. ‘Do I actually have to show you his heart to get you to believe me?’ 

Hermann just kept staring. 

She rolled her eyes and snapped her fingers. ‘Fine. You can look, but you can’t touch, alright?’ A wooden box appeared in her hands. She waved her hand over the lid, and it opened. A painfully familiar warmth radiated from the box. Hermann felt his breath catch in his throat as he stared at the glowing orb in the box. 

It was the warmth he’d been missing since their fight and the life that had been missing from Newton’s eyes. Hermann couldn’t help the few steps he limped towards the box. He reached a hand towards it, but Alondorina snapped it shut. 

‘No touching.’ She pulled the box tight to her chest. ‘Traded to me, fair and square.’ 

‘But....how....’ 

‘Makes perfect sense,’ she said. 

‘You must give it back.’ Hermann demanded, his mind reeling. ‘Newt isn’t himself. He’s a completely different person.’ 

A smile tugged at the corner of the woman’s mouth. ‘Maybe, but he’s gotten what he wanted. From what he told me, you’ve never called him Newt before.’ 

Hermann’s cheeks went pink. He was an idiot. How had he not seen before? How did he miss what was staring him right in the face for years? 

‘Please,’ Hermann begged as his voice went hoarse. He did not want to cry in front of this woman. ‘Please, you must return it. You have some otherworldly power. Surely you could roll time back so that this never happened. We could go back to how things were.’ 

Alondorina shook her head. ‘That’s not how things work. Goods and services were traded. Newton’s an adult. He made his choice with full knowledge that he’d be losing part of himself. For whatever reason, he thought you were worth it.’ 

The sting of her words sent Hermann over the edge. He ducked his head as he started crying. This was hopeless. 

‘It’s going to start getting dark soon, Dr. Gottlieb. You should head back,’ she advised. 

‘What could I give you?’ He asked, his voice thick with desperation. ‘There must be something.’ 

‘Go home, Hermann. You don’t have anything that I want. Newt traded for you, so hold up that end of the bargain. Let that can give you some comfort.’ 

__________________________________________________________________ 

Hermann eventually left the beach. Alondorina only listened to his pleading for a few minutes longer before vanishing before his eyes. She hadn’t been moved by his begging. He’d even offered his own heart, but she declined and ordered him back to the Shatterdome. 

Unsolvable problems were not an issue for Hermann. His entire field of study these last several years had been formed and tamed from impossibility. When he got back to the lab, he tried to remind himself of this fact, but he felt his chest shatter when he laid eyes on Newton. 

Hermann pulled his desk chair beside the couch and slumped into it. His leg complained until he shifted into a position that could generously be called comfortable. He hooked his cane on the arm of the chair before resting his head in his hands. 

‘It feels foolish now to say that I had no idea,’ he whispered. Newton didn’t stir from his sleep. ‘We were both so hurt after we first met...neither of us...’ Hermann drifted off, unsure of what to say. He wanted to shake Newton’s shoulder to make him wake up, but touching him while he was in this state seemed wrong. 

‘You are not my Newton,’ Hermann said, his voice thick with sadness. ‘You’re not warm like he is. I am so sorry that I made you think this was your only option. I should have told you when we started working together. Or when we first met in person.’ He paused, considering. ‘It would have been so easy to write in our letters.’ 

Hermann jolted, much to the protestation of his leg. ‘Our letters.’ He looked down and then to the door. 

It seemed crazy, but maybe it would be enough. 

Hermann grabbed his cane. Ignoring every inclination from the deep pains shooting up the right side of his body, he rushed towards his room. 

Hadn't it been obvious in their letters? Isn't that why they both went into that initially meeting with such high expectations? That was why they so forcibly split apart afterwards. They didn’t speak for close to a year before they were thrown back together by the PPDC, but they fell into such an easy routine once they were together. 

Hermann threw the door of his quarters open and painfully fell to his knees at his bedside. The unassuming box was easy to reach; Hermann had been through it the morning that started this whole mess. He’d been ignorant enough that day to think Newton didn’t remember what the date was. Now, he knew for sure that they both did. He flipped the lid off the box and smiled at Newton’s letters. They were neatly tied with ribbon. 

Nodding, Hermann managed to stand. He clutched the box to his chest and hurried back towards the beach. 

__________________________________________________________________ 

Hermann felt ridiculous screaming her name as he struggled back to the spot he was at earlier. The wind had picked up a bit, and the sun was nearly under the horizon. The sky was a watercolor painting of orange, pink and purple as Hermann moved as fast as he could across the sand. 

She didn’t make him wait long. 

‘Dr. Gottlieb,’ she started before he could open his mouth. ‘I believe that the answer I gave you earlier was final.’ 

Hermann’s eyes were wide with hope, as if he was on the verge of solving a particularly vexing equation. ‘His heart wasn’t his to give!’ 

The corner of Alondorina’s mouth quirked up. ‘Care to explain?’ 

Hermann held out the box. ‘Read them. Even just a few, and you will see that neither of our hearts could be given to anyone but each other.’ 

‘You saved his letters?’ She took the box and opened the lid. ‘He wasn’t too far off. It’s not quite a hat box, but he imagined that you’d keep them tied neatly together.’ 

They stood in tense silence as Alondorina read the first letter in the box. Hermann’s eyes never left her face as he waited for any reaction. 

‘Well, what do you know,’ she sighed. She replaced the lid and handed the box back to Hermann. ‘I’m sure you’ve heard this enough in your life, Dr. Gottlieb, but it looks like you’re right.’ 

Sagging with relief, Hermann’s breath caught in his throat as she held her hand out to him. ‘Would you allow me to take you back? You’ve been on your feet for entirely too long today.’ 

Hesitantly, the physicist placed his hand in the witch’s. They winked out of existence and appeared instantaneously back in the lab. 

‘I won’t stay long,’ she said as she pulled a chair over for Hermann to collapse into. He remained unsteadily on his feet. She conjured the locked wooden box and pressed it into Hermann’s hands. 

Hermann didn’t say thank you, but he nodded his head. She bobbed her own back before vanishing back into the ether. When he’d think back to the whole affair, Hermann would wonder if it wasn’t some shared hallucination between the two of them. 

But in the present, he moved back to the chair beside Newton’s sleeping form. Hermann set the box on his knees and pulled open the lid. He laughed quietly as the warmth from inside the container washed over him. Reverently, he scooped the shining heart into his hands and held it before his face. 

‘I promise you,’ Hermann whispered as his eyes slid closed. ‘I will never give you reason to think this belongs to anyone but me again. Same goes for mine.’ 

As Hermann made his promise, he didn’t see Newton’s eyes slide open. He did hear the quiet gasp. 

Hermann’s eyes crinkled as he smiled warmly. ‘Darling, you’ve woken up.’ 

Silently, Newton sat up and stared into Hermann’s giddy eyes. He then looked to the heart. Tears trailed down his cheeks as he pressed his hands to the bruise on his chest. 

‘Together, I think,’ Hermann said. He took one of Newt’s hands in his own and brought it to the glowing heart. Newt’s fingers touched his missing piece, and he started laughing happily through his tears. Moving as one, their hands pressed to Newt’s chest. The cold was warmed instantly as Hermann’s fingertips brushed against his skin. Newton’s eyes slid shut in euphoria, and he held Hermann’s hands over his heart. 

‘Much better,’ Hermann sighed. He didn’t get a chance to say anything else before Newton wrapped his arms around Hermann and pulled him close. Newton pressed his face into Hermann’s chest, muffling his crying and hiding his guilty face. 

Hermann hugged Newton closer and rested his cheek on the top of this head. 

‘It’s alright.’ He cooed. 

Newton pulled back, still not looking Hermann in the eye. 

‘No, it’s not.’ He sniffled. ‘I-I told you I didn’t care...’ 

‘Darling.’ Hermann took Newton’s face in his hands. ‘It became glaringly obvious how much you do care when I discovered what you did.’ He brushed away Newton’s tears with his thumbs, lightly tracing against his cheeks. 

‘I’m so sorry,’ Newton sputtered. ‘I’m such an idiot. We should have just talked, dude. I was so willing to just spill everything to this random lady on a beach, who apparently had magic power or some shit, but telling you just seemed...seemed...’ 

‘Insurmountable?’ Hermann offered. 

‘Yeah. Sure. Insurmountable,’ Newton continued. ‘It was fucking stupid and rash and insane, but...it was worth it if it gave me a chance to be with you. I’m loud and annoying and fascinated by the assholes coming out of the sea to destroy everything, and I know you hate that about me. That’s my weakness, right? She said I was too passionate.’ 

‘Insanity.’ 

‘Wha--but Herms, that’s all true, isn’t it? You hate that shit.’ 

Hermann detested that nickname, but hearing it again made him smile. ‘It is trying at times, but being passionate is not a weakness. Your passion is the best part of you.’ 

‘But it was the only way. At least, I thought it was. I’m so fucking sorry.’ 

‘I understand, but...’ Hermann’s hesitation brought fresh panic to Newton’s eyes. ‘But you do not need to apologize. I never should have made you feel as if harming yourself in some way was the optimal solution to our problems.’ As he spoke, Hermann’s eyes went blurry. He tried to blink away the tears, but failed. Newton reached out and wiped away the first that fell. 

‘We never were great at communicating, huh?’ 

Hermann leaned forward so that their foreheads were touching. Newt’s skin was invitingly warm, like a favorite blanket fresh from the dryer. 

‘No, but we can work to fix that,’ Hermann sighed. ‘Perhaps we can keep our anniversary in a different way next year. Instead of screaming at each other and then offering up vital parts of ourselves to make amends, I think we can make a reservation somewhere.’ 

‘You remembered?’ 

‘How could I not?’ 

‘I didn’t think...’ 

‘You are not the only one who regrets the way things played out,’ Hermann said. ‘I often think back to how we could have changed things.’ 

Newton’s eyes flickered to Hermann’s lips before swallowing. He seemed to consider something for a moment before pushing forward and closing his eyes. It was ages late, but it was perfect. Hermann’s hands moved into Newton’s hair as he pressed back, just as eager. 

After a moment they both pulled back, flushed and pleased with themselves. 

‘It is yours, you know,’ Newton said. ‘My heart never belonged to anyone but you.’ 

Hermann smiled again and pressed a kiss to Newt’s forehead. ‘As is mine.’


End file.
